by Celes | | Email this post

This is the last part of a 3-part series on why being a perfectionist isn’t so perfect and how we should deal with it.

• Part 1: 10 Ways To Tell If You Are A Perfectionist
• Part 2: 6 Downsides of Perfectionism
  
• Part 3: Overcoming Perfectionism in 8 Steps

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“I just try to be the best I can be and hope that is the best ever.” – Tiger Woods
“The true perfection of man lies not in what man has, but in what man is.” – Oscar Wilde

(This is a continuation of my personal experience with perfectionism, from living with it to realizing its negative impact on my life)

Overcoming Perfectionism in My Life

After I realized the downsides of perfectionism and how it was negatively affecting my life, I figured it was high time I start overcoming perfectionism instead of letting it erode into myself.

Stewardship at work

Instead of fussing over everything at work, I would start assessing whether a particular task would make any huge difference in the bigger picture. If the answer was no, I would let it go. Versus driving myself endlessly, I embraced the mentality that work would never end and there was always the next day to continue working. That marked the first step where I started to become the steward instead of my own slave. At the same time, I developed faith in my co-workers’ abilities in their area of work and learned to delegate work out to them. This was my first step towards overcoming perfectionism.

Positive mental health

I learned to accept mistakes, learn from them and move on to what is actionable. While I would still feel eaten up inside when things do not turn out the way I envisioned, the downtime I experienced from that became shorter and shorter, while the backlash of self-blame became milder and milder. Consequently, I started to feel more relaxed and more positive.

Rewarding, meaningful relationships

As I shed the sharp edge around me, I found that I was beginning to foster extremely close, meaningful and real relationships based on trust and respect with my co-workers and people around me. My warmth as an individual, which had always been inside of me, started to emanate through to others. Interestingly, I noticed people whom I had only known for a short period of time would start openly share their inner thoughts and feelings with me. It was an extremely rewarding and pleasant feeling, to say the least.

Improved quality of life

The thing is, none of these changes came with any trade-offs. In fact, it came with loads of trade-ons. By overcoming perfectionism, it has made me better and stronger than I was before. I am more effective and efficient than I was. I stop getting lost in the minor details and keep my eyes on the larger picture. By not beating myself for mistakes, I am happier and much more positive. Today, I get so much more out of my relationships and life.

Most importantly, I still have my ideals, visions and BHAGs which I strive and aim towards. Overcoming perfectionism didn’t mean that I had to forgo all my goals. The only change is I no longer turn them into unhealthy obsessions nor get hung up over what is not within my control. Instead of crippling me, my perfectionist alter-ego has turned into my ally.

And if I did it, you can do the same too. If you realize you are a perfectionist, you can stop letting them bind you down. As deeply embedded the perfectionist mindset may be in you, you can start overcoming perfectionism.

Overcoming Perfectionism in 8 Steps

Here’s 8 steps towards overcoming perfectionism.

1. Be aware of your motivations for perfection

To start overcoming perfectionism, you need to first understand why you are a perfectionist. What is the underlying motivation? Click here to see the 3 common motivations for perfectionism. Look back in your life and try to identify incidents which contributed to shaping your perfectionist mentality. Is it because of others’ expectations of you? Is it because people underestimated your abilities and you feel you need to prove yourself? Is it because you attach your sense of self worth to the results of your actions? Whatever the reasons are, become aware of them, recognize them and understand that these do not dictate who you are.

2. Recognize that ideals are directions, not absolutes

Continue to hold your ideals and set BHAGs (Big Hairy Audacious Goals) because these serve as growth-levers and motivation sources. The goals are not the problems – it’s the attachment towards the goals which you need to work on. Accept your goals as directions to work towards and not absolutes which you need to achieve. Commit yourself to the pursuits but do not attach yourself to them. It does not matter if you do not reach the ideals because the ideals are visions to reach; they are not who you are or who you should be.

3. Respect and love yourself

Are you beating yourself over something that could have been better? Let go of all these negative thoughts in your mind. You did what you could within that particular context. Recognize you are an individual with your own rights and integrity versus subjecting yourself to all the self-abuse and self-depreciation. Treat yourself with the respect you deserve.

4. Focus on the big picture

Overcoming perfectionism requires you to start seeing the forest for the trees. Use prioritization techniques such as Time Management Matrix (Stephen Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) to aid you in identifying tasks which you should do and tasks which you should abandon altogether. For the tasks which you need to be involved in, use the 80-20 principle to help you gauge when to stop. Whenever a particular task is taking too much of your time, it is good to ask yourself ‘Does this matter in the bigger scheme of things?’. If it doesn’t, chuck it.

5. Focus on what can be done

Forget about mistakes that were made in the past which you cannot do anything about. Learn from them and move on; obsessing over them does not change anything at all. Realize that the time you spend thinking about your mistakes actually takes you away from time which you can have spent on more productive things instead! Stop worrying about things that are not within your locus of control, such as the future or perceptions by others. Plan for contingencies but beyond that, do not waste your time harping over it.

6. Delegate and let go

Have faith in other people’s abilities and delegate tasks to them. If they do not seem to be doing a particular task right, teach and help them instead of taking over entirely. Teach a man how to fish so there is more fish for everyone, rather than doing all the fishing yourself and limiting the total output.

7. Enjoy the entire process

The process is the longest part of achievement – enjoy it! Find ways to lighten it up – learn to laugh at yourself, take things positively, rest/eat/sleep/play when it is time to, take part in enriching recreational activities, do not deprioritize your social gatherings or time off from work.

8. Celebrate the victories and progress made

Give yourself a pat in the back for everything that you do, regardless of the outcome. Reward yourself or other people if a good job is done. Give credit where credit is due. Wholeheartedly celebrate your victories when they come along – you have rightfully earned them!

By the way, I still think that humans are perfect – it is in the imperfections that I see perfection .

This is the last part of a 3-part series on why being a perfectionist isn’t so perfect and how we should deal with it.

• Part 1: 10 Ways To Tell If You Are A Perfectionist
• Part 2: 6 Downsides of Perfectionism
  
• Part 3: Overcoming Perfectionism in 8 Steps

Filed in: Awareness & Growth | Posted on Dec 19 2008